Praise is a powerful tool in parenting, yet it is often misunderstood or underutilised. Within the SFSC parenting programme, facilitators introduce praise as a technique not only to build self-esteem in children but also to encourage positive behaviour patterns. However, praise extends beyond children; it can be equally transformative in co-parenting relationships and help reduce conflict, fostering a more harmonious family environment.
Through the SFSC: Stronger Relationships programme, we take this further by promoting praise as a valuable strategy between co-parents. The simple act of appreciating a co-parent’s efforts can help defuse conflict and build respect, which are essential to a healthy co-parenting environment.
Parents may worry that praising their children too much could make them “big-headed” or spoiled. In reality, praise, when specific and genuine, reinforces behaviours we want to see more of and helps children develop a strong sense of self-worth. The same principle applies to co-parents.
When parents focus on what their co-parent is doing well, it opens up channels of appreciation and respect, which are essential in reducing friction. Constant nagging or highlighting shortcomings often leads to defensiveness and can create a cycle of conflict. Praise, on the other hand, promotes a mindset shift for both parents. The person offering praise feels more positive, while the recipient becomes more willing to engage and reciprocate in kind. Over time, this can help to break negative patterns and reduce tensions, ultimately benefiting the children who are at the heart of co-parenting dynamics.
Top Tips for Praise
- Praise immediately: Don’t wait to acknowledge a positive action. Immediate praise reinforces the behaviour effectively.
- Be genuine and direct: Use eye contact, smiles, or even physical affection when appropriate, especially with children or co-parents. Your sincerity will shine through.
- Be specific: Instead of saying “well done,” offer praise that acknowledges exactly what you appreciated. For example, “Thank you for picking up the kids from school today. It really helped me finish my work on time.”
- Avoid qualifying praise with ‘ifs’ or ‘buts’: Keep the focus on the positive behaviour, without undermining it with criticism. For example, say, “I really appreciate you cleaning the kitchen,” instead of, “It’s nice you cleaned, but you missed a spot.”
- Praise effort as much as success: Recognise not just achievements but the effort put in, whether it’s your child trying a difficult task or your co-parent managing a stressful day with grace.
In addition to changing behaviour in children, praise can shift the tone of a co-parenting relationship, making it less about conflict and more about mutual support. When both parents feel acknowledged and appreciated, it creates a ripple effect that enhances family harmony. This approach helps to reinforce positive interactions, making parenting more collaborative and less stressful for everyone involved.
By practising the art of giving and receiving praise, facilitators can help parents model the behaviour they want to see in their children and co-parents.
Praise Ice Breaker: The Praise Alphabet
A fun way to get parents thinking about praise is through the “Praise Alphabet” exercise. Write the alphabet on a flip chart and ask parents to come up with praise words for each letter. It’s a quick activity that helps parents build a rich vocabulary of positive words they can use with their children.
By normalising praise and making it a consistent part of daily life, parents can help shape the self-esteem and resilience of their children. As facilitators, our role is to guide them in understanding the transformative power of praise and how it can positively impact their family dynamics.
