Bernadette Rhoden, our Head of Training and Curriculums reflects on recent events and why violence is not the answer.
Summer is usually my favourite time of year. Holidays, outdoor music events, lazy days in the park, BBQs with besties and dedicated time to hang out with family and friends. Things are different this year. The glorious vibe this summer has been replaced by gratuitous violence. This is such a difficult blog to write, as the violence feels personal. I am left suspicious and afraid of who around me might have similar thoughts or ideations as the rioters.
There are on-going discussions about reasons for the riots, social, political, economic and racist narratives with social media being a vehicle for pervasive miscommunication at the heart of the troubles. Whatever the rioters’ motivation is, the violence feels like an attack on me and people who look like me. What is happening is that people who seem sensible are talking about retaliation and vengeance. Fighting fire with fire.
Strengthening families for calm communities
The SFSC curriculum states that feelings of anger and dissatisfaction do not create problems, as if we did not feel these things either as individuals in our personal lives or as members of a particular ethnic or cultural group, positive change would not take place. It is how we use these feelings to create change that is important.
Conflict exists when a person or group believes their personal rights have been violated. When our children learn to manage conflict effectively, they develop important social skills which enhance their relationship with others and understand that they can address injustice in a non-aggressive manner.
At the core of managing conflict is the ability to respond assertively while standing up for personal rights where you can express thoughts, feelings and beliefs in a direct, honest and appropriate way which does not forfeit another person’s rights through physical means. An important facet includes showing respect for yourself as well as the other person’s needs and rights while enabling others to stand up for themselves, and or to take responsibility for their share in the conflict.
When individuals, families and groups who are aware of situations that affect them adopt a passive stance they undermine their own rights and the aggressors’ responsibilities by failing to stand up for what is right. But what happens if you have tried to be assertive and the aggression worsens or nothing changes? Issues like racism prevail.
Violence is never the answer
Is violence or an aggressive response the solution? In any conflict situation, is it ever appropriate to use physical force, bullying, name calling, lies or underhanded tricks to overpower another because you believe that you and or your personal rights are more important than theirs? If someone has violated you and you violate them back, how does this resolve the situation?
The SFSC programme teaches us that during a conflict situation, two wrongs will always result in two wrongs. Parents may want to consider their inner thoughts or actions used to justify harming others in response to their own hurt or unfair treatment towards themselves and others, and how this is interpreted by their children in dealing with conflict they will inevitably encounter throughout life.
Once we recognise that violence begets violence and that family and community violence are inextricably linked, parents could choose instead to model and teach children and young people to:
- identify and accept their own personal rights as well as the rights of others,
- Understand the difference between aggressive, passive, and assertive behaviours,
- Communicate positively with dignity, respect, trust, and love in responding to conflict within the family or community.
The SFSC Team remind us that the SFSC programme is ideally placed to support families through these challenging times
SFSC programme facilitators are well placed to support families at times of crisis. The attack in Southport which resulted in so much painful shock and grief has now been followed by wave after wave of anger, hate, blame and fear.
The SFSC programme encourages parents to explore and celebrate their identity. Parents can then pass on their values, customs and traditions to their children who can grow up being proud of who they are with an understanding of where they come from.
As facilitators, we see time again that whilst each of us is unique in our life experiences, every parent’s wish is for their child to grow up ‘in a violence free and healthy lifestyle’. The loss of a child is not a pain any parent should feel.
Whilst we have different ethnicities and backgrounds, as parents, as human beings, our desire for a peaceful life is universal. SFSC provides the tools to remind parents that we must come together, protect the vulnerable, console the grieving and find peace for all.
