Being a father is a remarkable journey filled with love, guidance, and cherished moments. However, for some fathers who have experienced incarceration, this journey takes an unexpected detour. The Fathers Together study is an inspiring initiative aimed at supporting young fathers and families who have been through the challenging journey of imprisonment. I will delve into my own personal struggles and those faced by fathers in prison, the emotional distress they endure, and the transformative power of support and solidarity in rebuilding your life.
The struggles behind bars
Imprisonment not only physically separates fathers from their families, but it also presents several challenges that impact their ability to maintain meaningful relationships with their children during and after prison. The system is not built to facilitate parental involvement during incarceration. This creates a void that is hard to fill when they get back into society. The restricted visitation rights, limited communication options, and complex
bureaucratic procedures can worsen the emotional turmoil experienced by incarcerated
fathers.
Booking visits with your children when you are in prison is dependent on your behaviour, availability and financial restraints. In many cases fathers question whether they want their children to visit them at all under the circumstances.
The emotional distress faced by fathers in prison cannot be understated. The separation from their children, coupled with the guilt and remorse for the mistakes made, weighs heavily on their hearts. As most men growing up are not able, willing or allowed to verbally express their feelings, being in an environment where showing emotions can lead to other problems such as bullying and alienation, the emotional distress becomes more difficult to overcome.
The inability to be present for significant milestones, the loss of everyday moments, and the constant worry about the well-being of their children can lead to profound emotional pain and longing. Understanding these struggles is essential to appreciating the importance of studies like Fathers Together.
My own journey
As a father who has experienced incarceration, I intimately understand the challenges and emotional toll that comes with it.
Unfortunately, I was driven by financial gains, my own selfish ambition and a sense of victimisation through my experiences as a child. I used these experiences as an excuse to dive deep into the street life. This resulted in me almost losing my life twice and escaping two life sentences. My consolation prize was spending 12 years of my life in prison.
I say this to highlight the severity of your actions, as this was the reason why I watched all three of my children grow up from behind a prison cell. As the years passed by, I was emotionally detached from their reality but faced my own regrets. By sharing my personal experiences and building relationships with fellow fathers, I can offer guidance, support, and hope to others who are going through similar circumstances. Together, we can rebuild lives, strengthen families, and shape a brighter future for all involved.
My own journey has led me to find solace and purpose in working with organisations and studies like Fathers Together. I am part of the public involvement group on the study with other men with similar experiences, where I have witnessed firsthand the power of connection and empathy. Building relationships with other fathers who have faced similar circumstances has been transformative. Sharing our experiences, providing support, and collectively navigating the hurdles of reintegration has allowed us to grow, learn, and heal together.
The Fathers Together study serves as a beacon of hope for fathers who have been to prison and those who are still incarcerated. Through developing a parenting programme, the project aims to empower fathers to overcome the challenges they face. It is a community that we are building on understanding and resilience. By fostering a safe and inclusive environment the study encourages personal growth, provides guidance for parenting after prison and helps fathers reintegrate into society while nurturing their relationships with their children.
Find out more about the Fathers Together study here: www.fatherstogether.co.uk
