
A short video that sets out the evidence around inter-parental conflict:

In the UK 87 percent of all babies are born to parents who are married, in a civil partnership, or living together. However, for many parents, their relationship with one another is less defined. They may be together but living apart, they may be separated, or they may simply be uncertain as to whether they are in a committed relationship, so that mothers consider themselves lone parents . Pregnancy may have been unplanned before a relationship is established and may lead to confusion for parents about their status as co-parents.
For same-sex couple families, there may be a donor or surrogate who is considered a co-parent or issues when one mother is the birth mother and the other mother has not had this experience or one father is a biological father and the other is not.
With families who have been involved in the care system (fostering, adoption and special guardianship), there may be additional stresses associated with this status.
With 10 percent of children living in blended families, there will be dynamics to consider with former partners, new partners and children having more than two co-parents.
Finally, we should not ignore the reality of children living in homes which include extended family. This happens for economic or cultural reasons and is seen in many Asian and newly arrived migrant families. Grandparents, aunts, uncles and wider family can be part of the day- to- day care of children and decision making, and thus have the ability to influence or be part of the conflict between co-parents.
Conflict does not need to be violent or obvious to be harmful to children. We all disagree sometimes – it’s normal and to be expected, but it is how we disagree and how children perceive their parents’ behaviour that may cause harm in the short and long term. This means that children may carry into adulthood (and future parenthood) the risk/damage from the experience of parental conflict. For children where there may be several ‘adverse childhood experiences’ at play, including discrimination, these risks increase significantly:
It will be helpful for practitioners to reflect on their own experiences of parental conflict, as a child or adult parent. Are there strong held beliefs around ‘family’ and how conflict should be managed or resolved? Practitioners will be given the tools to empower parents and young people to make positive changes. They will need to be objective, inquisitive and supportive rather than offering a solution or trying to ‘fix’ a situation according to their own preconceptions, experiences or views.