Resource sheets

The following are resource sheets which practitioners can download to use with parents. .

Why Are We Arguing?

Questions to help co-parents work out why they are arguing or feeling unhappy in their relationship: These questions are based on the VSA model, so are intended to help parents understand that they think what they think and are who they are because of their ‘roots’ and the life they have lived until ‘now’. Co-parents should be encouraged to be as honest as possible in answering questions as the purpose of this exercise is to understand their values: what they feel strongly about.

There are also questions which focus on temperament characteristics like energy levels, need for routine, mood, and emotional reaction levels. We know that these are characteristics which are difficult to change as we are born with them. So, parents should be advised they might be happier to accept and work with these differences rather than trying to change them.

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Thoughts, Feelings, Behaviour

A simple questionnaire to help co-parents understand how we interpret the behaviour and words of others.

We interpret other people’s actions and words according to our own experiences and understanding of the world. We show love and respect in different ways. For co-parents in conflict, this simple questionnaire will help them identify intentions, misunderstandings and assumptions. It will explain the verbal and non verbal reactions of the other co-parent and will allow each person to explain and take ownership of their own feelings. Co-parents should be encouraged to use these questions repeatedly for different situations to help them self reflect and open discussions with their co-parent to find solutions to areas of conflict.

My Week, Your Week

Pregnancy and the arrival of a new baby will change the lives of co-parents hugely. On a practical level, many will struggle with the feelings of sheer exhaustion in the first 6 months of a baby’s arrival. The change in roles (leave from work, shared care or one co-parent as the main carer and the other continuing with work), (unrealistic) expectations from co-parents and extended family and depression make this a stressful period when conflict can become more likely. Each parent may feel overwhelmed with their responsibilities. It may be difficult for each co-parent to appreciate the other’s perspective. The my week, your week questionnaire will help co-parents:

• Work out what they are doing and how they might use their time in a way that helps them feel happier/calmer/more valued, etc
• See the other’s perspective
• Acknowledge each other’s feelings
• Re-evaluate roles if necessary

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Hopes And Dreams For Our New Baby

A questionnaire for expectant and new parents to help them identify their individual dreams for their baby. This may demonstrate a difference in values for co-parents, so they can then explore any differences calmly. This questionnaire will also help parents explore their strengths in parenting, potential difficulties and the people and services they might turn to for support. Detailed instructions appear on the questionnaire to help parents understand the purpose of the exercise.

Questions for co-parents living together

Examples of questions to help co-parents who are living together work out their strengths.

Questions for co-parents living apart

Examples of questions for co-parents who live apart to consider the arrangements for their children now and in the future.